Melissa Channel 34 Sketch Comedy Radio
Description
Vocal Characteristics
Language
EnglishVoice Age
Young Adult (18-35)Accents
North American (General) North American (US General American - GenAM)Transcript
Note: Transcripts are generated using speech recognition software and may contain errors.
Hello. Hi, I'm Melissa and I choke ghosts. It's something that I've been able to do since I was a kid. It's actually not that weird. And there is so very easy to understand science behind it. So it's like this. Ghosts aren't tangible in the way that you and I are, but they're still there, so they have to be made of something. Ghost Scientists long suspected that spirits were the result of haunted light waves or particles that let you see ghosts but not touched. Um, But then, in 1993 there was a breakthrough when leading ghost scientists Gilbert Massey was playing his recorder for a ghost, and he realized that every time he blew a high note a gee or whatever the ghost would like blood. Er, Mr Massey, he's just a Mr because scientists aren't doctors. So Mr Massey then correctly hypothesized that ghosts are made of the same air that you create when you press your lips together really tight. He called it small error, which doesn't sound all that technical, but he wanted the everyday person to understand it well. He published his findings, but he was ridiculed by the ghost science community because they really hate it when you create any sort of concrete evidence for goes because that just takes all the fun out of making up your own rules and stuff. Well, Mr Massey was really sad. And so naturally he went to the park to die well, that part as he was preparing his body for transference to the another world, he happened to help a little girl that had just fallen down and scraped her knee. I was that little girl. Well, as he taped over seats to my knee wound, Gill explained to me his findings and therefore why he wanted to die. Well, I was fascinated, and I wanted to test it myself. Well, there weren't any ghosts around, so Gil did the kind of thing and just offed himself right in front of me. Well, I didn't have my recorder with me having forgotten at school, so I just pushed my lips together and blue raspberry like this. Poor Gil didn't get to be a ghost for long because it turns out that the raspberry is lethal to ghost. The tight mouth air, combined with that one vibration noise, just wreaks havoc on the small air ghosts armada and they choke and die again. It was kind of traumatic at first, But then, like any kid that discovered something new and cool, I wanted to see how much I could get away with. So ever since that day, I pretty much just spend my time wandering around parks and malls and libraries and ice cream shops and churches, staircases and houses in New England, international waters and dog piercing parlors and just, you know, pretty much anywhere. Ghosts hang out and I choke him to death again. I think a world with less ghost is a better world. All that small air convey bad for the regular sized air that people and animals and pierce dogs need to breathe right. I'm big into breath, and I don't mind sharing how I do this because it's really gruesome work. They gasp and scream a lot and tend to imprint their haunting On my mind was some kind of psychic pain tattoo, and by now all the ghosts I've choked have made life almost unbearable. Most nights, I wake up dripping in regular size, sweat and screaming as loud as my raw vocal chords can handle. Okay, so that's me, Melissa. 34 years old, and I can't wait to hear from you. Channel 34 Dating Connection. Bringing 34 year olds together before It's too late. Yeah.